


not enough

by demonsorceress



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: CW: alcohol, Ficlet, Gen, cw: mentions of death, team mercs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-06
Updated: 2014-10-06
Packaged: 2018-02-20 04:57:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2415779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsorceress/pseuds/demonsorceress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lance should’ve known that the good things never last, and friendships weren’t common in his line of business for a reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not enough

**Author's Note:**

  * For [plinys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/gifts).



> For plinys, who shattered my heart to pieces with her fics, this should be payback but it backfired and I cried while writing it myself. Whatever. (Posted on tumblr a while ago, I'm posting it here now just so that it's on my AO3 account as well.)

The bright light hurts his eyes, but the amount of alcohol in his blood has him too numb to be bothered. He lazily blinks away the stinging sensation, but remains laying across his bed, glaring absentmindedly at the ceiling lamp, arms folded over his stomach.

“I don’t want to die,” were Izzy’s last words to him, before he cut off her forearm so she could have a chance of survival. In the end, it didn’t matter. The memory feels like it was burned into his brain, and will be right there for the rest of his life.

It’s not common for mercenaries to have proper friends, mostly because the great majority of those end up trying to put a bullet through your skull for some reason. Against all odds, however, Lance, Izzy and Idaho sticked together for years. He met Izzy first, and for a good six months he was sure it couldn’t possibly last; he could swear she would eventually try to stick one of her many knives to his throat. And then, easy as that, she was helping him improve his knife-throwing skills. She was truly impressive with knives, or just impressive in general if he’s being honest. He’d never admitted that to her. He should have, before it was too late.

Lance’s heart hammers in his chest and he hates it. He never thought he’d be so angry at himself for surviving. Or rather, for being the only one to have survived.

He could’ve saved them. He could’ve done better, tried harder. He wants to shut down his mind and stop it from coming up with more scenarios in which he could’ve saved his friends, but he can’t. Earlier that day, Skye nudged his shoulder gently and offered her condolences. She also remarked it wasn’t his fault.

She was wrong. His efforts weren’t enough. His desperate attempt to keep Izzy alive ended up getting her killed and took Idaho’s life as well, and Lance felt directly, one hundred percent responsible for that.

Lance tries to tell himself that this is just how life is for them, and sometimes people die and you get over it, but Izzy and Idaho weren’t just casualties. He’d be lying to himself if he said that.

The sun is almost coming up, and Lance is in the same place since he came back from the closest bar he could find. He wanted to drink away his grief, but his plan didn’t work out so well. Last time he went to that same place, Izzy was with him. They spent the entirety of their time there bickering when Lance wasn’t trying to hook Izzy up with some random women he thought she’d be into. He could say they had fun together. Yeah, they did.

He’s glad she died quickly, even though he’d caused so much pain with one of her own knives right before the car accident. He’s not religious nor does he believe in any sort of afterlife, but considering no one was ever able to testify about how is it over there, he allows himself to hope Izzy and Idaho get a good treatment wherever they are. They certainly deserve it.

Lance keeps staring at the sharp white light, hoping it will swallow him like it did to his friends. He thinks that would be more fair.


End file.
